A Dilemma: Ancient or Modern?

Anyone who knows me will be aware of my complete inability to make a decision. Tea or Coffee? Pizza toppings? Which car park? You name it, I’ve dithered in a completely unneccesary manner about it! In fact, I’m verging on being slightly OCD about it, and sometimes I will actually just ask the children and see what they say, but that causes the issue to escalate if their vote isn’t unanimous! Thankfully though, generally these quandries are over small, inconsequential things. No-one’s life depends on them, and no-one will be upset by them.

The thing is, I now have a dilemma on my hands. I’ve made my decision (a first time for everything!), but I know a lot of people are going to think I’m wrong, and I’m always going to think about this with a guilty conscience whatever I decide – there’s no right answer to this one.

Next month, my daughter has her first Sports Day. She is already very excited about this special event where all the parents come and watch, and they’ve already started making things in preparation with Olympic themes. Although it’s probably not the biggest event in her school life, it’s another first for her, and something she is looking forward to and pretty much counting down the days until.

What she doesn’t know however, is that on this day, my Grandma will turn 100. My only living Grandparent, and probably the family member who’s stood up for me and who I’ve been closest to my entire life.

So my dilemma is this: Do I celebrate my Grandma’s 100th birthday with her, or does my daughter take part in her first ever Sports Day which she is so very much looking forward to?

Not many people get to celebrate a 100th birthday do they? And I honestly think my Grandma is just trying to ‘hold on’ for her 100th birthday, she hasn’t got long left I know that, I’ve been to see her in hospital and ‘said goodbye’ four times now, and my daughter’s Sport’s Day? Well, there’ll be plenty more of those won’t there, in fact give it a few years and the novelty will probably have worn off all together! It’s pretty obvious what I should do isn’t it?

So why is it that the decision I’ve made, is in fact the opposite? I feel like the decision I’m making is really selfish, but I also feel like I have to do it this way. My Grandma is very fragile. She lives in a residential care home (a very lush one with chandeliers and string quartets at dinner!) but last year she had a stroke. The last time I saw her, she recognised my face, but was unable to hear me clearly or communicate. She wasn’t really aware who my children were, so didn’t flinch when one of the other residents insisted they were her children (yes children, not grandchildren!) and tried to take them back to her room, pinning the picture up that my daughter had drawn for her Great-Grandma. Understandably, my children got a bit upset by this! She also gets visibly distressed when there is so much going on around her that she can’t focus on everything at once.

With this in mind, I have actually made a decision that I will support my daughter going to her Sports Day, and miss seeing my Grandma on her 100th birthday. I’m not sure if I feel guilty because it’s the wrong decision, or whether I feel uneasy because I know a lot of other people will think it’s the wrong decision, mainly the other members of my family. I just feel after a lot of thought that if I go and see my Grandma the next day, or the day before, she may not be as upset as my daughter would be if she missed something that was really important to her, and that in reality, she will be aware of missing a lot more. I am also pretty confident, that should I be lucky enough to reach that age, I would insist that my Grandchild made the same decision. I’m not snubbing my Grandma (or am I?) I love her to bits, and am desperate to share her special day with her, I’m just so torn. I’d love to hear what you would do, though if you think I’m totally out of order, please tell me in a nice way because I’m going to end up upsetting someone whatever I choose!

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Heidi (@Him_Me_Three)
    May 18, 2012 @ 12:52:42

    Hmmm, tough one. At first, when reading through your post my instinct was to see your Grandma on her birthday as there’ll be lots more Sports Days to come and being 100 is a huge achievement BUT then I thought, if your Grandma is anything like my Grandparent’s were then she would want you to attend the Sport’s Day. My Grandparent’s were all about the grandchildren and great grandchildren, often going without for them.

    I am sure your Grandma would understand. You can celebrate in other ways, another day.

    I think you’ve made the right decision but whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up.



    • itsamumsworld
      May 18, 2012 @ 13:12:12

      Thank you for your comment, and you’re right in that my Grandma would be completely for the children although if I’m honest, I’m not sure she will understand a lot of what is going on, and much as I love my children and think that they’re little angels most of the time, I’m also confident that at some point, my daughter would express something about having to miss out just to be there! I’m still trying to work out a way we can do both! x


  2. yummystepmummy
    May 18, 2012 @ 12:55:04

    It’s a very difficult decision and I don’t envy you. My Grandma died last year (unexpectedly), I would give anything for one more day with her as I lived away and didn’t see her as much as I wish I could have.
    Question though, why can’t you do both? Why can’t you still see your Grandma and go to the sports day? Why is it either or?
    Only you can make your decision though, so do what feels best and right for you xx


    • itsamumsworld
      May 18, 2012 @ 13:09:09

      Aw, thank you for your comment, and I’m really sorry to hear about your Grandma. I’d love to be able to do both and am still contemplating whether it is doable, but because we moved away last year it’s quite a long journey so it would be quite late by the time we got there and I think it would be too much for her and probably the children, and the main celebration is at the exact same time as the Sports Day. I’m still working on some miracle solution! x


  3. PhotoPudddle
    May 19, 2012 @ 03:24:30

    I think you’ve made the right decision. You summed it up perfectly when you said your daughter would be the most upset if you missed her event. I am sure your Grandma would also hate it if she knew if was because of her that her great grandaughter was upset.


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