See You Soon…

My daughter is five next week, so quite possibly what I’m doing today is long overdue, but it really doesn’t make me feel any easier or happier about it. I am leaving my children overnight for the first time! I don’t know why I feel so bad about it, but I honestly think I’m going to spend my entire train journey bawling my eyes out like an over emotional loon! We’ve had nights apart before after all, both of them have been to sleepovers at their friend’s houses and I used to leave them all day, which is surely more obvious to them owing to the fact that they’re awake!

I just feel that this is a real milestone, because up until now, any nights we have spent apart have been for them, and they’ve done the ‘going away.’ This time, I will be putting them to bed, and when they wake up I won’t be there, and I won’t be back in time to put them to bed either, so it will be the first complete day of their lives I won’t see them for. Most of you probably think I’m weird for feeling like this, it’s only a day after all. Some people are probably very jealous that I’m going to have a whole day of hot tea and unaccompanied wees, but I’m dreading it!

Since giving up my job last year, I spend so much time with the children it’s like they’re part of me, and I just don’t feel quite right without them. A few hours is lush of course but I’m going to miss them so much.

I know the children will be absolutely fine, and they don’t feel the same as me, in fact they can’t wait to have a play date before school so that my husband can get to work on time, and having Daddy pick them up from school and pre school is the ultimate treat! This is the thing, my husband is still here, it’s not even like we’re both leaving them! I just somehow feel like I shouldn’t be going, even though it’s for work and I’ll only be gone 24 hours!

So come on Mums who’ve done it already, how can I stop myself from bawling my eyes out on the train tonight, my eyes are filling up just thinking about it?! Am I freak who just needs to sort myself out, or is this just a normal Mum thing?!


Hen or Chicken?

This weekend I am doing something I vowed I would never do again. I’m a grump and I feel really really guilty for being a grump. Yes this weekend I am going to a hen weekend!

I just don’t ‘do’ hen weekends. Grudgingly I went out for a meal when it was my turn to walk down the aisle, but it really was under duress! Then about four years ago I went to a hen weekend and I vowed it would be my last after I ended up paying £75 for a £5.99 pizza. I found out I was pregnant literally a couple of days before and it meant I wasn’t able to do a couple of the activities, but I was forced to pay for them anyway or risk a lot of bad feeling, and despite the fact I was throwing up left right and centre, and therefore opted not to eat, I was still expected to pay an equal share at the meal, including funding everyone’s wine. On top of that I was forced to buy a shirt that was never in a million years going to fit over my 34FFs AND wear it. So essentially I felt like rubbish and looked like rubbish and had to pay money that I didn’t have for the privilege, just so as not to upset anyone.

In five years I have managed to avoid any kind of hen weekendness, but this weekend I mustn’t avoid it, because the person getting married is someone who I love to bits and I would be a very horrible and selfish person if I wasn’t there. They’ve made a real effort not to make people feel exactly how I do about the whole thing, but this Saturday I’m going to be one of those women that I cringe at on the rare occasions that I find myself out and about on a Saturday night!

I know that when I get there, it will be lovely to spend time with my friend, and it won’t be anything like the way I’m playing it in my head. There’s no pink theme, it’s not all about the willies and I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be an enjoyable experience, I just have to snap out of my scaredy cat mentality, and let my hair down, because this is a happy celebration – someone I like and care very much about is getting married! I will repeat this as a mantra until Sunday. Wish me luck and feel free to tell me off for being a grump!

It’s a Nightmare…

About 18 months ago my daughter was given a ‘Dream Catcher.’ The person who bought it for her proudly explained that the pink flower shaped wind chime said dream catcher would soak up all of her scary nightmares so she could sleep easily. Despite the fact she was clearly unaware that such sleep interruptions existed, I gritted my teeth and crossed my fingers, knowing that the thought behind the gift was of kindness and love.

Unsurprisingly, for a few nights after this, my daughter was reticent to go to bed for fear that scary thoughts might enter her head, but thankfully it was short-lived, and soon we were back to normal.

Fast forward to now however, and my son, is genuinely getting what I think must be night terrors or nightmares. He turned three last week (where does the time go?!) and at least three nights a week for the last couple of months we have been woken up by his terrified crying. My daughter who now fully understands the concept behind her device (and also appreciates it should be hung up in her window for aesthetic purposes only!) sometimes also wakes and brings said contraption in to try and ward away those negative thoughts!

My son is the best sleeper in the world. I frequently make my friends very jealous when I regale how he stays in bed for longer than most teenagers. Despite being in a bed for nearly a year he still hasn’t twigged that he could get out if he wanted to, so I know that the crying isn’t something he is consciously doing, in fact I don’t even think he is even awake. Either my husband or I just get out of bed and stumble to his bedside, give him a kiss, tell him we love him and we’ll see him in the morning. Generally he will repeat the sentiments, and stop crying instantly, and that’s it, the whole episode is over in less than a minute. At first, he sometimes mumbled something about Captain Hook or a monster, but now nothing apart from tears.

So while we know exactly how to make it stop and have kept it to a minimum, I’d obviously prefer it not to happen in the first place. We’ve curbed the pirate activities a bit even though he loves them, but any more and he’d be sad while he was awake! At the end of the day, he’s a three year old boy, he is going to be exposed to child like fun, and I don’t think that’s what’s scaring him, but then again I don’t know.

Do these sound like night terrors? Any advice would be appreciated as I hate to think of my little man being all scared and upset. Maybe I should buy him a Dream Catcher…!