For Sale…

Dear Estate Agent,

I just wanted to point out a few things. Firstly I think you’re doing a good job, but I’m a music teacher so I’m not sure how much I really know. I don’t know much about football, so my only real gauge as to how good a team is, is if they score the most goals. Yes, my husband will read this and proceed to try and tell me why this is wrong in the same way he did when I criticised a golfer for not getting the ball in the hole. Apparently it was an amazing shot, but I see these things in terms of end product. Apply this to you, my estate agent, and I guess I’ll only think you’re truly amazing, if you convince someone to buy my house from me, and not for £25,000 less than the price you told me it was worth!

What is it with this bartering thing anyway? I just don’t get why we bother to have selling prices to start with if all that’s going to happen is a non expert like me looking round, then deciding what they want to pay, whether it’s because it’s the most they can afford, or because it’s what they think it’s worth. I really want some new UGG boots but I’m not sure the shop will let me walk out with them if I tell them I only have £14 in my bank account.

Also, you’ve seen me, do I look like the kind of person who might know about structural caviats, or who owns which fence in my garden? I can tell you how to accessorise effectively for that homely feel, or where my beautiful lounge curtains are being sold at a bargain price. I’m even willing to share with you and any potential buyers how to balance all those bath toys without knocking them over, but structurally, anything more than blu tack and I’m clueless, sorry.

I can’t fault you on your enthusiasm and coffee making skills, but even after 3 weeks, these viewings are becoming impossible. I have 2 pre school children, whose main hobbies are painting, trying to keep the baking stuff in the bowl with varying degrees of success, and, oh yeah, causing chaos, usually by getting out toys at a ratio of 10:1 in terms of how many I’m frantically trying to tidy away. I feel that I’m letting you down when you turn up every time on one of the three days I’ve asked you to avoid. That time you rang and turned up 20 minutes later, the one where I was in the middle of cooking fish pie for the children, they haven’t been back have they? Or the viewing you forgot to tell me about? No-one, I repeat NO-ONE was EVER supposed to see those pants, the ones that were drying. When you turn up like this, I’m defintiely not helping you to do your job!

So to finish, thank you for all you have been doing, as I said at the start, I think you’re doing a great job, but lovely as it is to know that my house is ‘very very popular,’ the only evidence I feel can prove this is if there are a queue of people fighting over it, no actually perhaps that is ambitious, how about if just one person would like to buy it?! Fingers crossed we can achieve that in the next couple of weeks.

Yours sincerely,

Someone who really wants to be able to buy a new house soon.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Vanessa
    Jun 11, 2011 @ 18:23:46

    Oooooh sounds like your agent is a nightmare… grrr… I feel for you. Are you locked into a sole agent agreement with them or can you fire them and find someone else? Loved the post by the way – well said!


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