6 Reasons Why I’m a Bad Mother…

I love being a Mummy, and most of the time I feel like I’m doing an ok job. However, this week, it seems I’m not doing too well. For some reason, my performance as a mother is monitored by my 3 year old daughter in terms of how much she loves me. The units in which this love is measured? Christmas trees! Now my daughter is, and always has been a real Daddy’s girl, so it goes without saying, that regardless of what he says or does, she loves him more than all of the Christmas trees in the world. She generally loves me as much as about ten Christmas trees, which I have to accept is as good as it is going to get, no matter how hard I work, for the simple fact that I am not Daddy!

I’m currently going through a performance management cycle at work too, so in true professional style, I thought I’d reflect upon what perhaps might be causing my performance to have declined over the last week. The more I think about it, the more I’ve realised that ‘fail’ is the only grade I can have achieved. Let’s take a look at the facts:

  • We’ll start with a positive. It was less than a week ago, that my daughter said to me “Mummy, you’re the best cook in the world!” You’d think this would earn me at least one Christmas tree wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, despite having cooked from scratch pretty much every day for the last 3 1/2 years, this compliment was passed on to me on the day that we were running really late and I served up a Marks and Spencer’s ‘Mighty Meaty Pasta.’ Fail #1.
  • My daughter came home from pre school the other day begging to be allowed a pet rabbit. You can read more about that discussion here. However, the fact that no matter how hard I tried, I was not able to provide her with a real pink rabbit at any point soon, can only be described as Fail #2.
  • The talk of rabbits leads nicely on to the next one. Unlike both Charlie and Lola, I am unable to make one appear on her head with a wave of my wand. Fail #3.
  • I had a little mishap on the treadmill this week. I say little. Try being hurled off the belt at 11km/hour on your stomach, not once, but twice, into the aisle of a very busy gym full of people who look like they’re training for the 2012 Olympics or World’s Strongest Man contest, just because I was trying to change the music on my iPhone. According to my daughter, this implies that I was not good in my running lesson and judging by the friction burns from my wrists to elbows and knees to thighs, I must have done something dangerous and not listened to my running teacher! Fail #4.
  • I couldn’t play the game at the soft play centre according to the ‘rules.’ If only they’d designed their foam tunnels with 30 something women with 34FF boobs in mind, this might have avoided Fail #5!
  • I thought I might have been able to redeem myself when yesterday, the sun came out and dried out some of the toys in the garden, meaning that we were able to go outside for a little bit and have a play. Surely that must have been a couple of Christmas trees worth of love?! It certainly looked that way until lunch time, when the beautiful Spring-like sunshine was out and filling me with a sense of happiness that only sunshine can provide, when came the question: “Mummy, the sun is in my eyes. Please can you move the sun over there?” I tried moving the chair and drawing the curtains, to which came the reply “Mummy, you’re not listening – I asked you to move the sun, not me!” Fail #6.

So there we have it. Try as I might, I simply haven’t hit my targets this week in the world of being a Mummy, and we all know that children tell it like it is. So if there’s any perfect mothers out there who can tell me how they do it or if anyone knows if there’s any vacancies at Hogwarts for bad, unfit cooks with large breasts, please can you let me know?!

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lisa mcknight
    Feb 05, 2011 @ 15:51:48

    Gosh that brings back memories! Ur a fab mummy! 🙂


  2. Trackback: Tweets that mention 6 Reasons Why I’m a Bad Mother… « itsamumsworld -- Topsy.com
  3. TheBoyandMe
    Feb 05, 2011 @ 19:26:46

    Oh dear. And I, somehow am never quite as good as nana who seems so spend every minute down on the floor playing with The Boy. But who is it they call for in the middle of the night?


  4. Cake and Tea Blog
    Feb 06, 2011 @ 22:05:13

    Oh my god, I have nearly fallen off a treadmill so many times but never quite managed it, how awful!!! But to be fair, pulling pink rabbits out of hats and rearranging outer space aren’t really in the job description you signed up to anyway!!!


  5. quarkee
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 20:57:23

    Charlie and Lola do indeed hold us all to impossibly high standards…curse them!


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